Our new intern Gabe is reportedly a jar girl fighter, therefore she placed together this overview for how to fight prefer a girl.

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The author, may be in some type of underground fighting dungeon, with a bruised face.

We’ve all seen catfights in movies and television and I think we have the right to all agree the it’s pretty much the best, like once Blair and Serena indigenous Gossip Girl start their very own hair pulling and toe stepping activity over Yale admissions. Maybe it’s due to the fact that women are claimed to be so proper and also ladylike, yet there’s miscellaneous both mesmerizing and also breathtaking watching two girls totally toss beside societal norms and also just walk for each others throats prefer wild animals. It’s type of fucking awesome. Catfights are nearly the same in actual life together they are on the silver- screen. Simply with means more median looking people, and it often tends to dive right into prison rule a many quicker.

I’ve been in my fair share of fights and also I’ve learned a lot follow me the way. I flourished up with 3 older brothers so occasionally play time obtained a tiny bit rough, additionally my obsession through Fight Club and also Clockwork Orange hasn’t aided to extinguish my bloodlust. Much like Alex i learned that with conditioning I might give up my violent ways. Five wait, that’s not just how that movie ended.

Anyway, i realized I had actually to stop fighting critical year as soon as I woke up exceptionally hungover and also there to be blood everywhere my knuckles, which absolutely wasn’t mine and also hanging off my large ass ring was a piece of human flesh. I practically threw up almost everywhere my bedroom floor. Then i noticed the nippers marks on mine arms and also my knees were scabbing over through day old blood. Although there is probably no better feeling in the human being than that adrenaline the takes over her body in the middle of a struggle (have you been to Fightland yet?) i don’t condone violence anymore, mostly due to the fact that it’s quite stupid. Many of the time, it’s far better to simply walk away, but every now and then shit happens whereby you have actually to safeguard your honor and also the only means that deserve to be excellent is v a an excellent catfight. Occasionally it’s just fully unavoidable. Like as soon as you uncover out her boyfriend cheated top top you v a mutual friend. Or once someone you assumed you could trust steals your rent money. Or, if you're a little on the stunner side, once someone looks at you the wrong method after you’ve had actually a few too many drinks.

So if friend do finish up finding yourself with no other option, I’ve placed together a couple of things to keep in mind. By the way, this is a guide for girl fighting other girls. If you’re a girl fighting v a man don't worry. That’s a complete win. Also if the does leave you v a black eye or damaged nose, as shortly as the throws the an initial punch anyone witnesses it will certainly come under on that so hard and also beat him come a bloody pulp to defend your feminine honor. Fact. However, for better or worse human being think 2 girls fighting is completely vicious entertainment so no one is walk to prevent the two of girlfriend from clawing the end each other's eyes, pulling hair, or ramming her pointy stiletto under the various other girl's throat. And also that's why you should be prepared.


Bring boxing gloves come the bar if you can. Via Flickr.

PRE-FIGHT: PREPARATIONIt doesn’t issue if you’re the greatest girly-girl or much more on the butch. Possibilities are you’ll it is in in at least one fistfight in her life. You might get the shit kicked out of you and that’s a threat you’re walking to have to take, but trust me, it’s no as negative as friend think. It’s type of prefer ripping off a bandage.

I was a chaos after the first time I got into a fight. I had a black eye, mine eyebrow was separation open and also I looked terrible. But at the very least I learned that genuine life fights aren’t favor TV, they’re not a vast deal. Therefore, being prepared is among the most vital steps come throwing down with another lady.

Start v a small bit that practice, i recommend having a couple of play fights with friends. Try out wrestling and punching in order to familiarize yourself through the painful press points. Cover her bases and also know your very own strengths and weaknesses. For example, one of my weakness is mine size. I’m just 5’4’’ and 100 lbs which provides it straightforward for me to it is in taken down. So rather I use my speed and agility come tucker out my opponent. Footwear is also a an extremely important ingredient to a fight and also can it is in the deciding element on even if it is you victory or lose. I constantly wear huge chunky sneakers or combat boots depending on the day. This automatically puts me in a far better position to win a fight end a girl in heels. The said, if your female devil takes off she heels and also tries to use them together a weapon, take the pressure point in she wrist, twist, and then disarm her. Or simply rip them the end of her hand. Every little thing you do, gain them away from her! hope she won’t be able to find them later and also will need to walk house barefoot. Those things are dangerous, and being hit v one feels favor you’re being stabbed by a little knife. I m sorry sucks.


See? No outside intervention. Via Flickr.

FIRST PUNCHNever. Ever. Ever before throw the first punch. No matter exactly how much you want to, you need to restrain yourself. If castle won’t litter the an initial punch then walk far or contact them names till they do. Provoke the beast. As shortly as lock hit girlfriend first, your following shots are just self-defense and you can’t gain in too much trouble. Included bonus: if the cops come you deserve to just turn, suggest your finger in ~ her and also say “Well SHE began it!” It will make you sound very mature.

HAIR PULLINGThe most typical mistake girls make as soon as fighting another girl is going because that an prompt hair grab. Back this is a really painful maneuver, don’t use it right away. If you do it first they’ll be thrashing around a lot, which will force them come grab your hair, and then you’ll be stuck in this awkwardly savage effort to tear turn off each other’s scalps. So conserve this one for when you really require it. The last time I had actually my hair traction it fucking hurt. I want to curl up right into a ball and also cry simply to do it stop.


via Flickr.

ABSOLUTELY NO BITINGThis is a pretty ineffective relocate to use against most girls. They’re no men. Guys are big pussies when it pertains to biting. Many girls who space actually going come fight, however, are probably right into some pretty kinky shit in the bedroom so her bites are likely going to revolve her on. Not to point out it’s supervisor unhygienic.

Also, try to avoid acquiring bitten. That feels weird hot and also painfully tingly. Ns don’t know if that’s the adrenaline in ~ work, yet it doesn’t feeling nice.

RINGS space YOUR FRIENDSBitches love rings. Specifically big, chunky, gaudy rings. I know I do. Together a girl, you’re definitely not punching as hard as girlfriend think friend are. So you require all the help you can gain if you’re going to scrap, especially if you’re a little girl prefer me. Think the it as an illegal boxing match where friend wrap her gloves through barbed cable to do it fair.

Chances space your foe will likewise be wearing rings. Being hit v a ringed fist smarts, however you most likely won’t have to worry about that since most girl who are in their first few fights don’t actually usage their fists come land a punch. They use the heel of their hand. Ns never taken that, yet it’s just what I’ve observed end the past couple of years. Therefore wear rings and also you’ll have the upper hand.

An too many literal diagram. Via Flickr. CAT SCRATCHES/SLAPSI’m a nail biter, so i don’t have actually nice, long, solid luscious nails. If you execute though, usage them. Particularly if you acquire them done on a regular basis. Psychic in the movie Holes wherein Warden pedestrian paints her nails with snake venom and then slaps that douchebag? A an excellent strong slap come the challenge is badass. I’m not saying you put poison on her cuticles for the fight, that’s more than likely illegal, yet it simply proves the slaps room handy. Specifically if you have claws.

BOOB beat / KNEE to THE VAGINAMen have balls, a really open and also vulnerable spot come attack. Currently you’re probably thinking that girls aren’t together sensitive in your nether regions—and they aren’t—but that doesn’t typical it won’t hurt once you grab castle close variety and ram your knee up right into their cooter. Likewise anyone who has actually been punched in the boob knows just how much that fucking harms when fight with sufficient force. It’s enough to make a girl’s eye water up through discomfort and also pain. I m sorry leads us to our following rule.

WATERY EYES and also TAKE DOWNSTake advantage of any moment whereby your opponent is in the interim blinded by your womanly emotions and/or pain. Grab castle by the collarbone and also pull. Don’t be fear to really destruction in there through your talons. This is a an excellent pressure suggest to throw your adversary off guard and it functions really fine on those skinny, skinny girls. This is among my key moves in a fight. It’s unexpected, and I just have an obsession with collarbones for this reason I choose to touch as plenty of as i can. Is the creepy? correctly definitely. But anyway, it’s still a great move in a fight.

Try and get them under at this suggest by wrapping your leg behind theirs and also pushing castle down. Now you can an outbreak the hair pull, since it looks badass as soon as you throw a girl under onto the soil by her head. Watch catfights from the display Mob Wives and also pay attention to how Drita D’Avanzo fights . This lady is ruthless and amazing. She is my catfight guru.

A perfect opportunity for floor maneuvers. Via Flickr.

ON THE GROUNDYou’re acquainted with the “Cow Girl” position, right? carry out it. Gain right on peak of her. Shot and pen her arms through your knees. From here on out she’s pretty lot yours come play with. She’ll it is in trying to kick and also squirm under you, yet don’t let up. Start wailing on noþeles you deserve to land your fists on. Face, boobs, and stomach. Every little thing you have the right to hit.

Your fists space going come hurt like hell and also you’ll more than likely be really the end of breath. Yet for the love of god you’re almost there. Remain in the game. Indigenous this suggest out every you need for her to carry out is submit, or because that someone to traction you turn off her and hide friend from the cops, since without a doubt who has referred to as them.

CHANGE your CLOTHES and also DISAPPEARThe cops are most likely out there looking for you at this point. Even if girlfriend don’t know this because that sure, it’s much better safe than sorry. This is where I would imply swapping shirts v a friend or borrowing their sweater. Shot to obtain all the blood turn off you and take alleys and side streets instead of key roads. Placed a heavy amount of distance in between you and also the fight. Shot to walk into busy areas or escape right into the transit system. Much better yet, if one of your friends has actually a car, acquire them to drive you come a for sure spot ASAP.

As i said before I do not condone fighting but sometimes girlfriend just have to put your fists up. So once that situation arises i hope that this guide boosted your ready level. Ns wish you every the finest in your fighting adventures and hopefully the blood will certainly be spilled in her favour.

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